I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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