My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
