Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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