Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
You are the jesus of drinking
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
