weddingsv make me drug and hornr
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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