threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
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