Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
