i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Vodka?
Forever.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
