before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
