I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
