He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
