Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
