we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
