i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
