You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Randomize
