So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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