I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
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