I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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