We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
