Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
