I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
