She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
