you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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