I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I am in a vortex of obligation.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
