shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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