Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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