I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
