and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
