I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
