Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
