my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
