i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
