The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
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