we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
