chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
i think i have herpe
just one?
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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