Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
