and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
