Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
