Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
