Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
