I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
