Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
You ate ashes out of my bong
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
