i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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