All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
My day in three words: secret purse cake
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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