Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
they're like a gay fantastic four
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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