No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Randomize