Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
