I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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