i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Randomize