I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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