I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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