well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
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