so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
