i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
