I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
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