I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
