people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
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