I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
