I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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