my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
