so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
