I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
