I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
