Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
