Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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