He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
